Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
They are going to name an STD after you.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize