Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
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How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
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My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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