Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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