weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
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You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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