I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
