he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
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He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
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And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
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