On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Randomize