as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
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