Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
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