chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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