Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
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I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
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Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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