If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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