True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Randomize