My room smells like vodka and shame
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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