I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
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I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
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We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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