I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
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Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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