....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
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i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
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So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
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