I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I think I won the penis lottery.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He? As in you personified your dick?
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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