Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
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He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
foreskin is a definite game changer
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
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dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
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