Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
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As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
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His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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