just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I have tasted many bathrooms
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
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