we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
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