You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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