Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
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my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
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Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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