Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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