I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
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