Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
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I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
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I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
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