She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
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Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
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i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
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