Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
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You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
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