we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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