He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize