I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
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