Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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