I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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