We named our party play list daddy issues
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
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