I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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