2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
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I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
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When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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