I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
me + whiskey = a bad person
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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