i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
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Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
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Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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