youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
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His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
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She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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