Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
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