My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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