Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
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You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
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He? As in you personified your dick?
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
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