Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize