Ambien. No doubt about it.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
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