I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
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This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Congratulations! We have a period
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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