If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
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He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
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The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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