Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
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