Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize