Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
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I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
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I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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