Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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