From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
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